'We want Madeleine back, and people can still influence that': Kate and Gerry McCann give their first interview

The "idyllic" holiday

Mrs McCann described how they arrived in Praia da Luz with a group of friends and their children. "It was a great week. We were having a great holiday, lots of fun. The children had a really great time."

Her husband said the break was "so relaxing and idyllic. It was as as good a holiday as we've had with the children, up until that point."

Madeleine was having fun with her twin brother and sister, Sean and Amelie.

"She is very funny and often a little ringleader in nursery and with her friends," said Mr McCann. "She was running around shouting, 'Be a monster, be a monster' and we would chase her."


That fateful night

The couple told how they had made arrangements with other families to check regularly on their children on the night of May 3 while dining a short distance away in a tapas bar in the grounds of the holiday complex.

Mr McCann said: "We've been assured by thousands of people who've either done exactly the same or say they would have done the same. It wasn't very much different to having dinner in your garden."

Although there was a creche at the holiday complex, he said, "we use a routine at home and it works very well for us. The key is that the kids are asleep by 7.30 every night. As we had arranged to dine so close we felt that it would have really disturbed the kids dropping them off at a creche at a time they were sound asleep and then bringing them back. That was the reason why we didn't use that."

"For us it was like dining in your garden. Admittedly at the bottom of your garden, but you could see the flat and we were checking so regularly. Not for one minute would anyone have thought that someone would abduct your child."

This may be the last photo of Madeleine ever taken - laughing by the poolside with her daddy and sister, just hours before the nightmare of her abduction began

Finding her gone

Mrs McCann said: "It was during one of my checks that I discovered she had gone. I can't really go into any details about that. I'm sure any parent will realise how that felt." Asked if panic set in immediately, she said in a whisper: "Yeah, very much."

She revealed that she immediately feared the worst - never thinking that her daughter might simply have woken up and wandered off.

Her husband added: "We were absolutely certain. But before we raised the alarm we double and treble checked - but we certainly had no doubt in our minds that she'd been taken."

Asked about their emotions at that moment, Mrs McCann remained silent but her husband said: "There was the darkest, deepest despair and it was absolutely terrifying and when you go back to it, it still is."

Finding strength

After 48 hours of hunting for Madeleine, said Mrs McCann, the couple were so exhausted that they were "almost non-functioning". "But after that you get strength from somewhere. We've had loads of support and that's given us strength."

Her husband, a consultant cardiologist, said: "The worst feeling was helplessness and being completely out of control of anything in terms of getting Madeleine back. I think as we started to take control of some issues, particularly influencing the publicity side of it, that helped me tremendously.

"Those first few days were the darkest place and every parents' worst nightmare. In the local community as well as family and friends we've had tremendous messages of goodwill. That first Sunday we went to church, every single person came up to us and said, 'We'll get Madeleine back,' and hope and strength and courage, and that certainly galvanised me and I'm not the most religious person in the world but I got tremendous strength out of that.

"Ultimately somebody will provide the key bit of information. The only thing that will truly make us feel good is Madeleine's return."

The strength and dignity of Madeleine's parents throughout their ordeal has earned them the respect of many

The guilt

The couple both acknowledged that they had been hurt by criticism of the arrangements they made for the children.

Mr McCann said: "No one hurts you as much as the hurt that we had, but we have tried to remain very positive in our outlook and even small levels of criticism make that hard when you're trying to do everything in your power to get your daughter back.

"I think it's fair to say the guilt we feel having not been there at that moment will never leave us. We've tried to rationalise things in our head but ultimately what's done is done. We have tried to look forward.

"No one will ever feel more guilty than us for the fact that we were not with Madeleine at that time when she was abducted. Whether we had been in the bedroom next door we would still have felt as guilty I'm sure."

Asked if they blamed themselves, his wife replied: "Certainly for the first few days the guilt was very difficult. You torture yourself with that.

"But we've had so many letters of support and calls from people saying we would have done exactly the same. As time goes on we feel stronger and we felt very supported.

"I think at worst we were naive. We are very responsible parents, we love our children very much. We grieve, of course we grieve - but ultimately we need to be in control so that we can influence and help in any way possible."

Asked about how their relationship had coped under the strain, Mr McCann added: "I think it's fair to say that this is built on a very strong relationship to start with.

Asked when they might leave Portugal, Mrs McCann replied: "I can't think about that. I can't think about going home without Madeleine."

This latest image of the ever-smiling Madeleine was taken by a family friend

The twins

Madeleine's two-year- old brother and sister Sean and Amelie are a source of great strength to the McCanns - and have helped them retain some sense of normality.

Mr McCann said: "They are growing in front of our eyes. Their speech - Amelie's in particular - in the last few weeks has really come on, and they are really turning from toddlers into a little boy and a little girl. They give us tremendous strength."

The twins are too young to know what has happened to their big sister. Mrs McCann said: "We have said she's gone on a little trip just now and Amelie came out with one really cutting line that went right to the core - she said, 'Madeleine's on trip, back soon'. We certainly pray for that every day."

Her husband added: "Without doubt they help us to continue. We know that they are there and life continues but we need to bring Madeleine back as much for them as for Madeleine as for us.

"Many people say to us that this is a parent's worst nightmare and it is. It truly is, it's as bad as you could possibly imagine.

"But if all three of the children had been taken it could have been even worse than your worst nightmare. We've got to be strong for them. They're here and they do bring you back to earth."

Madeleine gone, back soon': Baby sister Amelie and brother Sean are coping with the loss of Madeleine, the McCanns have said. The last thing they want is for the twins to forget their big sister

Our Madeleine

Mrs McCann smiled when she was asked what her little girl is like. "She got bags of character, that's for sure. She's very loving, caring, she's very funny, very chatty, very engaging, but she has her moments, like all children do. I do think she's pretty special."

Painting his own portrait of Madeleine, Mr McCann said she looked like her mother.

He added: "She's a real extrovert and for one so young she can express herself so well. During the holiday she was the oldest of the eight children here and she just loved every minute."

The police

Madeleine two-year-old brother and sister Sean and Amelie are a source of great strength to the McCanns - and have helped them retain some sense of normality.

Mr McCann said it was no secret that the "information void" in the first 48 hours of the investigation was the "hardest thing for Kate and I to deal with". "The worst feeling was helplessness and being completely out of control of anything in terms of getting Madeleine back."

But he said things had improved since then. "Certainly at the minute we are happy about how information is relayed to us.

"I think it's fair to say we expected a very British-style response.

"It's fairly obvious that the system here and what we're used to in the UK is very different. I don't think it's any secret that in the early days the information void was the hardest thing for Kate and I to deal with. Not knowing anything takes you back to the darkest places that really you don't want to go and ultimately doesn't help you."

England cricket captain Michael Vaughan sported a yellow ribbon as the English cricket team showed its support for the McCanns

The dream

"Kate and I try to have an hour or two a day where we go away and talk about what is happening, how we are feeling, the importance of our strength and getting Madeleine back," Mr McCann said. "Having time together to talk I think is key to that."

Mr McCann said the couple were praying that no other parent had to suffer what they had.

"We pray that it doesn't happen again, but when it does, the speed of the next response and the template that we've set will ultimately help. There's been so much goodwill and humanity out there. One evil act actually has resulted in so much good."

He explained how they had struggled "to put those dark hours completely out of our minds. We channel any negative emotions into the positive emotion of someone walking in the door with her or having the telephone call to tell us that they have found her and she is well."

Asked how they picture that moment there was a long pause and Mrs McCann remained silent.

Eventually her husband replied. "You just can't put into words what that would mean to us."